Chicago · compassion · heartache · impressing · joy · pursue · relationships · shift · Uncategorized

Breakthrough(s).

istock-499609170For the longest time I thought mediation & yoga were the worst.

Even when I knew nothing about the two.

I thought they were for the hippie, trendy, hipster type of person that only needed time to kill or wanted to look cool.

I thought, I sit in my thoughts all day with my anxieties– how could sitting in them while closing my eyes & breathing slowly, help?

I never really wanted to try either, because I didn’t think they would work, nor did I want to be classified in “that group” of people.

I thought it was all kind of “fluffy” & that it just wouldn’t be the kind of breakthrough I needed.

I was wrong. I was so so wrong.

I’m not sure what got me to that first yoga class a year ago, but I’m glad I got there.

It was a small class, in a yoga studio that didn’t have the wall mirrors–something I appreciated as I not only didn’t want to watch myself look ridiculous…  but I didn’t want to see the other women in the class slay.

I felt intimidated at first. My instructor was probably about 25 years old than me, I was 27 at the time. & she was stretching into positions I simply couldn’t mold my body into (yet).

I felt so incredibly out of shape–both mentally & physically.

I would push myself further than I imagined I could.

Even though my body was stiff & my mind unwilling–I kept going.

And as if the positions weren’t difficult enough for me, the instructor would come by & help guide my body into the right alignment… which would help me refocus while my burning muscles reminded me that there is purpose & fulfillment in pain. The kind that helps you grow.

By the end of that first session, I felt stretched in many ways. I felt energized. I felt like I not only needed to come back, I wanted to.

Fast forward 5 months down the road, I became a stronger person–physically, emotionally, & intellectually.

The yoga classes got a little easier, however I kept pushing for more advanced classes–so although I was stronger.. I kept getting my a*s kicked. Every single class.

Yoga just does something to you as a whole. I truly don’t know how to explain it.

It betters you as a person, it does. I can fully stand behind that statement.

Something inside you clicks and you realize you can’t control anything in your life but direct control of your own.

You dive into your consciousness. It’s a fulfilling thing. You begin remembering things that you have a fully working body … & all things as simple as that.

You find strength in your vulnerability.

You start taking better care of yourself throughout the week.

You start eating better, you work out more outside of yoga, you meditate more. You just sink into the things that bring you more joy. & you hold no excuses for the things that used to hold you back.

Yoga makes me want to dive deeper. It has woken something in me… & I have just scratched the surface of my soul. Every class I find myself evolving into a better version of myself.

It allows me to just lay everything on the mat & re-energizes me for whatever lies ahead of me in the following days.

Some sessions on my mat, I cried. Sometimes I fought my emotions. Sometimes I just wanted to fall onto my mat and just lay there. But no matter what, I didn’t give up.  I kept going.

And God, am I thankful I did.

Again I can’t fully put into words the gift it has given me, but if you’re contemplating it.. go. Not just to one session, but multiple. Because the breakthrough will come. I promise.

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