I’m afraid. Fear on most days will try to consume me.
I never used to feel this way. Really. You may even want to call me a liar, but if you came to me even a year or so ago, you’d know I was telling you the truth. Anything I did, never came from being afraid.
There was nothing that could get in my way. No obstacle, no human, no thought, not even myself. I was determined & genuinely felt boldness in my bones.
But more and more recently as I’ve felt myself leaning into my dreams, chasing them even…the fear has tried to consume me even more. It’s tried to wreck me. Question who I am & who I think I am trying to build a community to help those who suffer.. And if I’m being honest, some days I’ve let it win, my fear. My anxiety. It has called me names, laughed at me, said I was unqualified & had no knowledge on the matter. Part of that is true.
But more of it is untrue. You see, I have struggled with anxiety since I can remember. From the tender age of 9 it began to seep it’s way into my daily routine. Trying to steal the only thing a young child has to hold onto, everlasting wonder & joy.
And since that young age I have wrestled with that demon. We have been in the ring fighting every day. Some days it throws a few jabs at me but I’ve been able to dodge them & others it will completely knock me out. Days where I have no desire to leave my home, let alone my bed. Days where I can go from my happy go lucky self to down and out about a lot. Days where I feel panic for no reason whatsoever.
I’m not looking for comfort. I’m not looking for advice on therapy or medication, I’m just wanting to put it out there that yeah, this life is hard…& sometimes, it’s going to make you question what were even doing here. What’s the point of all this. Am I loving my passions out? Am I going to let a little fear bully me our of my calling?
The answer, my dear is no.
You’re going to ache. It’s going to hurt. You may spend days crying. You may have no appetite.
You may think not one soul understands what you’re going through. But you’re wrong. I do. As well as so many others. And okay, we may not actually know each other… But I’d like to!
I’d like you to be able to have a place you can come where there is no judgment. No expectations. No worries. No fear. But a place of Joy. Wonder. Acceptance. Love. Where others understand your deepest aches & your heart of hearts. And maybe we can figure this life out together.
So take a risk.
Drop me a line below or email me telling me if you suffer from anxiety & what you’re doing to get by, to heal. Don’t be ashamed of your mental illness. It may try to define you, but it doesn’t have to.
Let me know if you’d like a community like I described above. I know I would have during my darkest days… Instead of sitting in a therapists office feeling like my mind is being picked apart for $. I want to be there for you. & I want you to know you’re not alone..
Love you, sweet ones. 💛