& scars, show me all the scars you hide.
& hey, if your wings are broken… please take mine so yours can open too.
I haven’t written for a long while. Well, that’s a lie. I have, I just haven’t posted any of what I’ve written. So here’s the thing. I feel like a mute on here. I feel like my voice has been taken & here’s why. I have felt like there is so much competition to be the best writer there is. To be the best daughter. The best employee. The best friend. The best photographer. The best at everything. & I keep thinking to myself, if that’s what I need in order to be successful, then I don’t want to be a part of it.
Because it’s not, nor should it ever be a competition with anyone other than myself. Right? I mean who likes competing with one another unless in a sporting competition? & even then it still sucks when you constantly find yourself benched because you’re not as good as your teammate or opposing team. Isn’t that how it feels when someone else finds themselves sitting in your dreams? They got the phone call to write that article, they were told by their inspiration that their piece could form a movement. They were told that their words touch the souls of many & could quite literally save a life. Shouldn’t we be proud of them? Shouldn’t we be on the sidelines cheering them on in their successes, regardless of our own? I mean, we often forget we’re all in this together. (You just hummed the song from High School Musical in your head, didn’t you?)
It’s hard when you’ve dream’t about something for most of your life & you see it “falling” into the laps of your friends, isn’t it? It shouldn’t be. & lets be real, overnight success isn’t a real thing, so don’t think it is. Your dream takes a hell of a lot of work to make it happen. So buckle down & work hard. Push boundaries. Get uncomfortable. Try different things. Meditate. Get better at being yourself. Try to find clarity in your work.
I find I’m asking myself daily, “What am I doing? Is this going to benefit anyone?” “Will this help a soul come out of the darkness?” “Can I show them how loved they truly are?” Because to me, if that’s not the case… again.. I don’t want a part of any of it. I don’t. This life isn’t about me, it isn’t about you… it’s about all of us together. It’s about holding onto each others hands & walking across the burning bridge as one. & I think it’s takes a lot to actually believe that to be true. I think it’s takes going through a lot of hardships alone. I think you have to have your heart broken once or twice. & to have your dream ripped out of your hands at least once or twice. Then you realize it. You realize that you can’t find purpose in getting ahead. You can’t find fulfillment there. No amount of success will ever bring you the joy you’re looking for. You won’t necessarily find the love you’re looking for at the end of the tunnel. Let me tell you, the best part is when you’re digging yourself out of the tunnel, with just a flashlight & a chisel. That’s where you figure out who you are & who you’re capable of being. That’s where you learn what to hold onto & what to let go of. You form a new way of thinking when you’re in the darkest part of your mind. I think it’s a flight or fight response of sorts. There is some form of a human instinct that kicks in ….where we let go & perish or fight the fight of our lives. & I find that to be remarkable.
& I know there are some of you who do find purpose and meaning in your work, as you should. I just think that’s where most of it should come. I mean, if you go through the motions everyday of your life, don’t you think it will just pass you by with no meaning? Wouldn’t you rather bring a smile to someones face? Give someone who is deeply depressed, hope? Wouldn’t you rather spark a dream in someones heart through your words? No? I’m not sure. But until I can find some form of meaning in my writing, I don’t really sees purpose in doing it just for me. Because when I sit down to write, some of my main goals are to find that lost soul on the other side of the screen. I want to encourage someone who doesn’t think they’re worthy. I want to be that ear to listen to someone going through a form of abuse. I want to fight for those who can’t yet fight for themselves.
Anyway, I guess I’m writing this so whoever is reading it knows there is still someone out there that cares. There is a soul in the world who doesn’t care about the clothes you wear, or about the number on the scale. That doesn’t care about how many jobs you’ve quit or been fired from. That wont care if you’re apart of the cool crowd or a complete nerd. There is still someone out there that believes in you, yes, even though we may not have met yet. I think you’re capable of being exactly who you want to be. Of achieving those dreams you’ve had since you were young. Of losing those few extra pounds & fitting into that size 8 dress. Of getting that degree, or writing that book. There is no reason why it can’t happen. You just need someone to remind you of it. & that someone is yourself.
I also want to make this space available to those who are aching. Who are hurting. Who want to come & be listened to. And to be understood with no judgments. That’s why I’m here. I’m your teammate wanting to cheer you on. So if you need a someone to listen to you, I’m here. If you want to talk it out with someone, I’m here. If you just need to just vent about your pain, I’m here.
If you don’t want to leave any messages in the comments, feel free to email me at MWidner88@gmail.com
❤ love ya’ll.
Until next time.