Have you ever had a moment that you were so sure about? That in the moment it was presented to you, you knew the universe was speaking to you? That you were in the right place at the right time? Or someone’s says the exact bit of encouragement you need about a certain area in your life. How about a specific sign you’ve been praying for…for months & months?
I have. I have those moments all the time. I am a firm believer in signs. I believe if were willing to listen & open your eyes to a life beyond your comprehension, God & the universe respond. They do. They make little whispers to us throughout our days. Sometimes they pass right by without us even catching what’s happening. Others are a lot more obvious. It all really depends on how honest & in tune we our with ourselves.
Yesterday I got mad at God. I was pissed. I actually yelled at him for a good twenty minutes telling him about all the things going wrong in my life. What I found unfair. Other things I didn’t understand. Why has he kept me in this season of singleness past my hearts desire? Why is my sisters husband treating her poorly? Where is he in my sickness? Why isn’t he allowing my dreams to be a published author happening? Why do I have no direction or clarity on my life at age 27? I want it all fixed now! Because I’ve had months and months of pain & uncertainty.
& he listened. He sat with me like a patient father would. He was quiet, but I felt his presence with me.
& after I was done yelling at him, I stated crying. Because when you let all the emotions fly, you normally feel all kinds of things. And you get tired. And exhaustion generally causes tears.
It this moment I was on page 15( back to back pages) of journaling. Its like pen to paper in moments of confusion are when things start to fall into place. But after 15 pages & few hand cramps later, I stopped. I leaned my head back looking directly at my ceiling, but with my eyes closed. Breathing. Quieting all the noise. & then I opened my eyes. & what do I see? A lady bug. Directly above me on the ceiling, completely in my line of sight.
& I kept staring. Baffled. It’s 45 degrees outside, rainy, & windy. I’m buried in two blankets & layers of clothes. And this insect that normally lives in warm weather, just so happens to be in my room, on my ceiling. Needless to say, I haven’t seen a lady bug for years. They just aren’t a norm where I live. This is God. This is him meeting me in my dark place. The universe is speaking to me. In my moment of weakness, he came to me.
So I freaked out & kept thinking what really could this signify? I’m a firm believer in manifesting, signs & such, so I googled it of course.
& what do you know, a ladybug signifies all I’ve been searching for on the latest part of my journey. It literally means, “Let go & let God.” Let go & let God! Seriously. A ladybug is also seen as a message of promise & reconnects us with the joy of living. Fear & joy cannot co-exist. It shows us that we must release our fears & turn back to love. That’s it a message. A ladybug teaches us how to restore our trust & faith in the spirit of God.
I mean, this message could not be more perfect. I have been living somewhat in fear. & trying to control the outcome. I’m so worried about what my future will look like, I don’t really even consider what God wants or has in store for me. I think, I have to decide. I have to admit…I’m worried he won’t give me a husband. I’m worried he will always keep me in this limbo with my financial issues. I’m worried I will never have my book on shelves. And I’m worried I will never make a difference. These are my constant thoughts. & I know they’re silly. But their also human. And I’m imperfectly perfect as a human.
So after having this huge moment, I looked up at the ladybug after I realized what I needed to learn & it jumped off the ceiling & began to fly away. Flying away, taking my fears, my dreams, my wishes, to the one who can make them come true. She sprinkled them out into faith & the universe. Now I just have to wait & see what comes of it.
I have to trust in love, in faith, & above all God.
Until then.. ❤