I can’t even tell you the last time I sat at my laptop and wrote.
Since my last blog post I admit I’ve logged in. I even wrote a title & began to pour out my feelings.
But they all got deleted.
I felt like everytime I opened up this browser I was whining, rather pourning my heart out into an online diary.
You don’t need to hear my sad stories, I don’t need to hear them.
So feeling unsure of what to do..
I took time to think. I took time to listen. I took time to move.
Time to love. To get inspired. To take a break.
& it’s was rather refreshing.
I’ve been spending my time looking through countless magazines and online blogs for Paleo recipes.
Diving into books that were written by the most hauntingly beautiful souls. Just doing things I enjoy.
I’ve realized in the more recent days I’ve been cheating myself.
I have been nearly crippled by a thought process that tells me I’m not good enough.
I have been fighting battles of self-worth.
I even at times felt very inadequate from reading other writers pieces.
You know that ones I’m talking about, the ones that quite literally move your soul in a sentence or two.
The ones that hook you & send goosebumps down your body and into your soul.
But I’m back.
Boy, am I back.
I think in recent weeks I’ve been feeling inspired despite all the challenges of my life.
I have been uncomfortable, but pushing past boundaries.
I can’t really put it into words, but even the aura around me feels lighter.
I knew interally I was happier, but didn’t think people would notice it right away.
But I was wrong.
People have came up and even told me that they see my stepping lighter and smiling larger.
That it’s not something I’m just putting on for “show.” But rather, because my heart is beaming.
And I would be lying if I told you otherwise.
For the first time in a long time, I am happy.
I don’t have all the money I’d like to have.
I don’t have the smallest body.
I don’t have the cutest boyfriend( or any boyfriend at all).
But I. Am. Happy.
& I’m sure I’ll have a slump that will pull me down, eventually.
But I promised myself to hold onto this and let it pan out for as long as I can.
Because we all deserve to move forward with our lives.
We all deserve to know we’ve made bad choices in the past…
that we’ve said words we didn’t mean..
and probably were initmate with men and/or women that we know would never love us.
Moral of the story,
or so I think…
is to let it be.
yep. let it be.
you may be a mess right now, but that’s okay.
the mess doesn’t need to steal your happiness.
so don’t let it, k?