Does anyone have those moments where you go out in public not looking your best?
Like you possibly haven’t washed your hair in a day or so (I do this because of the type I have),
or you just got done working out at the gym & you look & feel grundy?
Then all of a sudden, you see someone & you try hiding from them–but you cant?
That was me yesterday. It was terrible. I went to the nail salon. I was in yoga pants, a zip-up hoodie, but my hair was a mess, I had absolutely no makeup on & I was then heading to get my eyebrows threaded…
becasuse they were a mess.
But I was stopped by an old co-worker. I haven’t seen her in probably two years.
I was avoiding eye contact, but as I was paying she called my name out–
So I had to be polite & chat.
The first thing she says is, “You look fantastic.” Uhm, come again? Not only was I everything I described above… I’m also 15pds heavier from depression.
I wanted to look in the side mirror & double check to see if she saw what I felt like. But I didn’t.
I accepted her compliment & we started to play a short catchup in the span of 5 mins,
as I felt so incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin.
Hear me out, I loved seeing bumping into her– just not under those circumstances.
I felt so awkward. & when she said I looked fantastic, I felt even weirder.
But here’s the thing I left with as I walked out the door & drove away–
We are SO incredibly hard on ourselves. We are our biggest enemies.
We are the only ones who stare in the mirror at the bags under our eyes, the huge pores, the beginning of crows feet.
We are the ones who are like–why can’t I be this weight, or have that hair length?
I wanted to smack myself across the face, because really.. there was a deeper meaning for me disgust.
She loved me for who I was–in that version & I couldn’t. I couldn’t appreciate me. I felt ashamed in a sense. The control I normally have, with stepping out in public looking put together.
But I’m not put together. My heart aches from that man who moved 900 miles away from me for work & asked me to come, but I said no (I never mean’t to say no). I have debt pay back from overspending & being neglegent. I have messy hair at times, because you can’t always keep up with a lions mane. I haeve degrees unfinished & projects untouched. I have a job that pays me well, but I’m not happy there. I just do it for the comfort of living expenses.
Anyways, I just feel like my whole story was meant to say…. were not perfect. were not 100% put together all the time. Were not always our prettiest, or skinniest. Or most successful. But that is life. & it’s okay not to be perfect, because we never will be. & we somehow need to come to terms with ourselves. We need to love ourselves from the place we are, always. & if were not fond of that version of ourselves… to take steps to change. Results from changes don’t always happen right away….
but they will.