Soulmates? Destiny? Maybe you believe in it, I don’t.

I believe people put far too much pressure on finding the “perfect” person to be in a relationship with.

They struggle through relationships trying to make them perfect, so to everyone they may look like they have it all together, but really they’re aching and not meant for each other. Recently I was asked what “my type” is and what I like in a significant other…. If I was 13, I would of had an entire list of what I wanted them to look like and all the attributes I thought they should have. 

Charming

Beautiful

Honest

Caring…. & trust me the list goes on. But It was mainly on looks.

Now I’m not saying people who are beautiful on the outside, don’t have a heart…. But I find it most times I end up falling for the one that I least expected to. They are far from my “ideal” type, not as glamorous as the hollywood type…but you know what? So be it. If I have someone I can come home to at the end of the day that makes me laugh, brings joy to my heart, we can have meaningful conversations & equally care for each other…. what more do you want?

Life is full of adventure and it’s meant to live out your dreams, with someone who has similar views on life. If I was in a relationship with someone today that wanted to simply settle down and have kids–even though I have those wants, I would say leave me alone! Just as if someone wanted to go out every weekend & hit the clubs. I’m sorry, but I can’t see it happening. If my significant other didn’t challenge me on a daily basis, in ways that stretch my brain & outlook on life…I’d rather stay single.

Now some always ask me why I’ve been single for soooo long(not really that long in my book)… & you know what I tell them? Why waste my time with someone who doesn’t pull at my heart strings, see the world as I do and envision the same journey or future? I’d rather live it alone and in doing so, love myself as I do. That’s enough for me. I can’t & wont stay in a relationship that is mediocre or just okay. Now don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean I overlook a lot of people… I don’t. I just can’t settle. Love is the only thing in my life I will stay extremely stubborn for. 

So back to the whole soul-mate thing. Do I believe in just one? No. There are many types of people in this world mean’t for you…. You just have to find one that is worth it. One that you’re happy with. One that makes you laugh. Feel safe. Feel comfortable & to be worth the struggle. I don’t know. Many think that I don’t know much of love, but I’ve seen relationships maintained and I’ve seen some fall apart over the years… all because they believe they’ve picked their soul-mate….to find out, they were never mean’t for each other.

I know I’ve found someone worth it, however….I don’t seem to be to them. So it’s like this, if you’re going to be someone’s second best or second choice? I would say walk away… because in the love of someone who really loves you….it shouldn’t be that hard, right? Ah, if it was only that easy to know.

Well I’ve ranted on for far too long and forgot what I even said towards the top, and I’m too lazy to read….so enjoy!

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You want proof? How about the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help you, God?

Prove it to me.

Well why?

I don’t understand why others need validation of my life.

My dreams, my ambitions, my wants, my passion, my love.

As if me as a person isn’t enough, I always need to up my game.

Sure improving, evolving & challenging myself is something I should always partake in.

Lets say you’re always trying to make others happy & in doing so…you make yourself unhappy or just

feeling disconnected with yourself. Why?

If you don’t love yourself or where you are in life, you will simply never have what it takes to love another.

Oh & that’s another thing. How would one define love?

Well of course in many ways….for some it’s more on a romantic level, some it’s more dedication, trust, honor, grace….the list goes on and on. Every once in a while it’s nice to be adored, to be shown that you’re unique, special. But if you’re constantly looking to your companion, for praise & adoration to feel good about yourself…you will never make it in your relationship. Yes, they’ll make you feel good simply just being in their presence. Is that enough? Just being together? Or do words of affirmation make things easier?

Love should not be compared. It is different, always. One person will show you in a different way then the next…your entire life. Some in ways you like, others ways you need. But in comparing you only give yourself the short end of the stick….because in that sense, you’ll never be happy….not anytime of your journey.

Everyone is your mentor.

A couple weeks ago, I met a stranger.

He came into my work & as anyone else did.. looking for something different..

something new, something beautiful.

Okay, fine… I guess maybe just a hot dog & fries–considering I work at a place that serves them.

I felt connected to him on some level.. So we started to chat, a friendly hi & a smile is all it took to break the ice. 

He ordered a beverage from me & I needed to card him, he gave me his passport. To feel a passport in my hands was wonderful, to think how many places he has been & how many countries he’s seen with it gave me goosebumps. And so the hour long conversation began..

It started all from his passport… I asked him what his favorite thing is here since he’s far away from home.  What he likes to discover when he travels to different part of the world. His business brought him to where I am. I came to found out he is an engineer. He has a wife & child back home in curacao island. He showed me pictures of them on his laptop… & then I offered to take a picture of him, so he would have a memory of this place to take back home. He told me it was very thoughtful, as his whole trip he had to take them himself. He told me of the wages back home & how they appreciate their time more. They don’t try to accomplish all that “You Americans” do… as he states it. We don’t have to give excuses if were sick, we just call into work & they understand, we have many more sick days then you–paid for at that. Our expenses are much more then Chicago, because everything is imported, however our pay is less then here.

I was amazed at how I could be so enthralled with him, simply by just knowing the differences between us.  He made me feel more comfortable in my own skin, because for some reason….I felt we shared something special. He loves to travel & explore new things… but has to do it alone on expense of supporting his family. But the thing is, no matter where you go in life–you’re really not alone. You learn new things for people everyday. They might not necessarily tell you what you want to hear or what you think you need to know. But they teach you. They make you feel alive, you feed off their energy & just love. 

You don’t think about how much salary they make, or what kind of home they live in….or how about what kind of clothes they own. You have to dig deep & in doing so allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable, uneasy, scared, happy, beautiful. Most importantly, talk with your heart….because when you take everything away–all the materials, what do you have? It’s not about what your money buys you that make you who you are, it’s what your money doesn’t buy you.. & what you make of it. I have been blessed more then I could ever hope for in my life & I have God and my parents to thank for that. I see him in my everyday life, just showing my beauty & pulling me closer to the path he’s having me walk. I feel most comfortable alone & in my own thought about the world. Not because I don’t like when people give me their views or I don’t like people…but it pulls be back into the truth I know & the truth in which my heart speaks.

I’m not sure what you’ll take out of this…but I hope for you to take my words & hear them, let them sink in.

Be kind to a stranger today.

Don’t set out for yourself, set out for God.

Know that loving is the only way.

Everyone has different obstacles to overcome, but when you think about it….

we all have the same hopes & dreams.

We all want to be loved, we all want to feel beautiful, to be successful, to not fail, to be less controlling, to be more educated… trust me the list goes on.

But the harder you are on yourself, the harder the universe makes it for you to become who you really are.

So be kind, be gentle & overall be love.

That’s all there is.

Once you know that, you’ve beaten half the battle.

Oh & person who came into my world as a stranger, left as a friend. His name was Benjamin & I’m thankful for him.

Be willing to listen, but really listen..Image